Sunday, June 10, 2012

Not Everybody in California is a Goddamn Surfer

Are you lonely . . . wishing your life away on the dusty window seal? Sunday's are a dull blade of longing against the wrist. The fog moves in . . . the fog moves out. The desert is a vagrant mirage trespassing on my over-heated psyche. This is a town of ruin. Our shadows run wild against the fire light of flaming buildings. Slash and burn. A town filled with crazy unions and intertwined lives that radiate the sickest sort of energy. Relationships burning alive. Fuel for the fire is abundant. No hope. No survivors. And even fewer witnesses.

I'm sure it's the same everywhere. Just insert your town's name here _____________________________.

So, Ohio called me
and Ohio said
that everything you do is just temporary
and that is the essence of relationships
and Ohio's neighbor was laying on his couch smoking a grip
and the Neighbor said, "oh look . . . it's Mr. California. Mr. Doesn't Believe in Monogamy."
and Ohio looked at the Neighbor, "Look motherfucker, not everybody in California is a goddamn surfer! We don't all live bohemian lifestyles! I'm just saying that different types or relationships work for different people. "

Ohio moved from California to Ohio
a few years ago
now he is in the mid-west with a family
and San Francisco was sitting in her living room
gazing out the window at the Pacific Ocean
in a floral print summer dress
sipping a banana-strawberry nut smoothie
she was still young, voluptuous, full of life
and she knew Ohio to, back when Ohio was California
and I knew them both way back when there was
magic and mystery
still in the air
when our lives were still new and threaded through
with so much promise
and I was in San Francisco back then
when San Francisco & Ohio were living in Joshua Tree
and I had a new baby girl and a baby momma
somewhere far, far South down interstate 5
and I let that roll away
because I was to busy playing with strippers and junkies and rock'n'roll
and that was the beginning of the end
so the say . . .

They have come
and they have gone
and I am no closer
to the truth
about relationships
what is right, what is wrong, what works, and what doesn't
all I can tell you is that it is just all speculation and dice rolling
like investing in futures markets
with less return
and when it comes down to it,
the sad thing is that,
we're all doing what's best for everybody else
and never what's best for our hearts.

It's always left undone . . .

When relationships unravel
they create great, catastrophic messes on the floor
and people are so un-compelled to clean them up
we just stand there and stare down at them
marvel at our lovely disasters
and we nurture our messes
grow them up to full scale disasters
and we make all kinds of shit out of them
like talk shows and divorce lawyers and swords to stab back with
movies, plays, songs, salad dressings,
paternity tests, drug habits, and psychiatric wards.

There are a few out there that I have left hanging
and a few that have still never settled up with me
and don't think I haven't forgotten you  . . .

I've never been much for sweeping
but I believe it's time
to grab the broom and the dust pan
high time to clear the air and swab the decks
a lot of blood and a lot of tears
spilled through out the years
and they all must go.

I drove away from the party today
I pushed the gas pedal and moved on down the road
the radio on the FM dial . . .
"it's hard to look right at you baby . . . here's my #, call me maybe?"
the best we can hope for are moments
and when it comes to relationships
just remember that
if you have a few moments that you cherish
that you can claim
and still cradle in the palm of your heart
then you can count yourself among the blessed.

I've got a few moments that no one can ever take from me . . . ever.

And remember that this isn't me talking
it's merely Ohio
and his doctrine of, "everything you do is just temporary. And not everybody in California is a goddamn surfer . . ."

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